In flagrante delirium : my 5AM mind-body crunch

I had a bad dream.
But the thing is, I knew I was about to have one; I had a rough outline of what was gonna play out, and a pretty good prescience of the visual and neurological assault to come.

I caught my brain/body in the act of putting together the whole (pointless?) farce, probably because I had stayed up horribly late, had gone to bed with a lot on my mind, and had probably thoroughly screwed up my sleep rhythms… so that I was just on the brink of waking up, when some undefinable twit in the system thought it would be cathartic fun to rally the troops into a hoax-du-nuit…

The Setup

Almost-aware as I was, my immediate thought (yes, the irony was that I could think) was to scarper my brain/body’s best laid plans, and pronto; we all know it’s seconds to a minute MAX once this kind of stupid idea gets rolling. It was simple, really:  all I had to do was rush like hell to wakefulness, turn over in bed (I can do it, I CAN move my body damnit! G-g-gggrrrr!)  and look at the frigging door to my room.

The door was key, cos as I’d said before, I’d gotten an accidental glimpse of the plot before it had been snatched away from my groggy self. The door was gonna be the entrance for the bogeyman – that much I knew. If I got there first, in a waking state, I could override the looming sensory dump. I would be able to say to the advancing hordes under the temporary control of the undefinable TWIT WITHIN, that “Look, I’m staring at the fragging door right now and it. looks. NORMAL. I rationalize, therefore  I AM AWAKE!! Away with you and your pathetic scare tactics! There are no monsters! HAH!”

But the twit within got wind of all this (that’s the problem with sharing a network)  and soon my body was wracked with an ever-intensifying flood of opposing neurological directives*: WAKE! no, SLEEP! LOOK UP! No, LIE BACK! Yo, Chill out… this all phoney bullshit.. No man, be afraid. BE VERY AFRAID!!

The Takedown

Alas, I knew the twit within was gaining the upper hand because my body was already shivering… gentle, spasmic muscle contractions under a veneer of still-beading sweat; a split second of me thinking ‘what a stupid physical reponse‘ to me thinking ‘Oh yeah… this is totally how I should be, for I AM very, very afraid‘… even while what was left of my clobbered awareness had finally managed to twist itself around, hoist itself up onto its elbows and take a good look at the door…

But she was already here – the monster.
Had crossed the space from the door to my bedside before I could scream and was throttling me, demanding that I take her to the subway.

Yeah…
If I’d have seen the script, laughter alone would have had me out of bed and rolling about on the rug long before any of this nonsense got underway.

” TAKE ME TO THE SUBWAY! TAKE. ME… TO THE SUBWAY!!! Takemetothesubwaaaayyyy!!!! “.

A whirly-gig throttle fest around my apartment… like on a horizontal ferris wheel, against a night-ish sky, with most of my furnishings gone. And why I didn’t just END things by taking her and her ass to the subway as SHE CLEARLY REQUESTED is beyond me (because that would have been so rational)… but what I DID think of was biting her hand, which didn’t really do any good.

This imagined nemesis was *my height* (which immediately makes you think, how did she LAND this role? Were the real monsters on vacation?) and the shape of her face (no actual face, just facial features enclosed in a face-shaped shape) reminded me of an old friend from high school. My monster also had wild hair and bright eyes and a jaw that kept dislocating. She tried to sound demonic but couldn’t keep it up and I told her as much. After that she didn’t bother so much; kept phasing in and out of that to a high-pitched whiney female voice. This is what went on until… I dunno. Until maybe I woke for real. Or fell asleep for real.

<aside>I hope it was the latter. I hope I just got bored, yawned as REM-sleep neared but had enough strength to say ‘this is all very tiresome’ before nodding off. I hope I just went limp in her strangle-hold and left her standing there and feeling SUPREMELY silly in the virch apartment conjured up by THE TWIT.</aside>.

It was an interesting dream because I’d fought it’s onslaught so hard, there was still the flimsiest bit of awareness through it all… So that my body was truly in a fear-response mode, and I was also sort of “consciously” scared, but there was just a tiny bit of myself left over and thinking, “what is this, a JOKE?”

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*Indecision is NOT alive-ness, thank you very much. Otherwise I would be one of the most alive people on the planet and I can think of several people who would gag beg to differ.

ps: dream interpretations on a postcard please 🙂

0 Replies to “In flagrante delirium : my 5AM mind-body crunch”

  1. “*Indecision is NOT alive-ness, thank you very much. Otherwise I would be one of the most alive people on the planet and I can think of several people who would beg to differ.”

    So several of your friends are arbiters of empirical truth, huh? Pub night must be *really* frustrating. Either that or you need new friends.

    (You also need fewer hoops to jump through in order to get a comment posted on this blog. Three whole fields is way to much to expect from someone this early in the day.)

    1. Listen, big grumpy squid… just cos I won’t let you enjoy ‘Morsella on Indecision’ in peace (I never will, you know) doesn’t mean you get to reveal my ineptitude in and around pubs to the whole world. Or reveal the fact that I *do*, as it happens, need new friends…

      so phththttttttthh.

      Thanks for the hoop-jumping to comment though. And what gives? It’s EXACTLY the same deal on YOUR site! 🙂

  2. It is not! You have to register *once*, the first time. Then you can post to your heart’s content, all hoopless. Unless you say something so dickwaddish that I stick you back into moderation.

    You just only ever posted once.

  3. Were I to even *have* a registration process, your inability to spell your own email address consistently would pose for you a problem nevertheless, non? tee hee…

    Alright, I’m gonna see what the hell my comment settings are… but I don’t promise anything!

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